Walking

I haven’t made an entry in a while now and I really should be because I think it has been helping me retain my sanity. My only excuses are that I’ve been spending all my writing time working on a story and my existential angst has been a little more spirited than usual. These things may or may not be related. And by the way, the story I’m working on is a sober and hopefully much better written rewrite of a past entry titled “Tonight.”
I always stay up late. But last night I simply didn’t go to bed. After lying around for a few hours, watching T.V., playing video games, and surfing the net as usual, I was feeling a little depressed so I decided to go for a walk. At 5:30 AM I picked myself off the couch, did not grab my jacket and headed out the door with the intent of finding a place to watch the sunrise.
I headed east; walking away from the black and into the blue. I never found a good place to watch the sun but instead observed homes I had driven past but never noticed. Something about walking about alone helps allow me to truly appreciate the simple beauty of the world around me. After coming across a very large, white house I had never seen before, I spotted a silhouette of a man coming down the sidewalk towards me. I couldn’t see any of his features but I could feel that it was a man. His limping but steady gait and ragged outline frightened me so I turned left in front of the white house. Looking behind me I could see that he had made the same turn so I quickened my speed till I had gotten across a large highway on my way back to my apartment and I hadn’t seen him behind me for a couple of blocks. That was the only person I saw on foot. Less than a dozen moving cars. The solitude of my walk was wonderful but it only made the approaching stranger more terrifying. It was as if he had invaded a desolate world that was solely for me to wander.
Something about walking this early felt really euphoric. I realized it was the smells. The smells of the neighborhood were more vivid than usual. I think it might be because nothing had been disturbed yet. People hadn’t started to mask the scents around me with car exhaust, the sun hadn’t started drying the sinuses, and with every step and motion I took I was breaking the hours long build-up of the smell of semi-rural suburbia. It felt as if my nose had been plugged and then instantly cleared.
On the way back I could still see the moon and I paused within site of my complex to ponder how I was between days; the sun and the moon both out. I whispered to myself that another day was here. The world had managed to survive another rotation and so had I. Shortly after this a cab zoomed towards and past me with a sense that I can only call aggression. I normally enjoy aggression but this time it just bothered me.
After getting back to my place I grabbed a chair and my laptop, seated myself outside and wrote this. I think I’m ready to go back inside now. Maybe I’ll even get a couple hours sleep before class.