Musings (This is the oldest thing in my laptop's word processor. I had completely forgot about it.)

I’m afraid to want; to have dreams. Because when one wants something, he runs the risk of never having what he wanted and being aware of it. Or worse: he may acquire what it was he wanted only to find that it wasn’t what he imagined it to be. That it wasn’t worth the effort and sacrifice. That the time and energy he put into this thing was wasted rather than being put towards what he now realizes his goal should of been. And now it is too late. The opportunity for that goal is gone. For this reason, I believe that people’s lack of motivation lies in their lack of assuredness. If one is sure of something, without any reservation, he will likely pursue that something with reckless abandon until it is achieved or until he ceases to exist. Most people aren’t like this but I’m fairly certain that everyone is born like this. We are born with desires, and we set out to quench them; to find happiness. But as we live, we find that the things that we believed would bring us happiness don’t always deliver. An early example may be the first toy a child buys with his own money, especially if they earned and saved that money for the sole purpose of buying that toy. If that toy turns out not to be as fun as they were led to believe, that kid will be mad. He will be mad at the commercial for the toy, at the people who sold it to him, at the people he worked for, and at the parent who told him he would have to buy that toy with his own money. The parent that is now blabbering own about learning the value of a dollar. But he will also be mad at himself, possibly without even realizing it. As life goes on, this behavior will repeat. He’ll decide he wants something and he’ll work for it only to discover that it wasn’t worth the trouble. Things he pursues only to be disappointed may include club memberships, friends, status, lovers, jobs, schools, spouses, living quarters, children, purchased goods, etc. At some point, if he has any self-awareness and intelligence, he will realize this pattern. Upon this realization he will become a much less motivated individual. The only thing that really keeps him going is the knowledge that if he pursues something there is a high chance that something is not what he actually wants, but if he pursues nothing there is no chance of him achieving what it is he actually wants. Industrial, capitalist society keeps itself alive with the false promise that by following it’s rules you will find satisfaction with your life. In reality, following the rules set down by industry will result in very few, if any, people becoming completely satisfied. Because if a person reaches permanent satisfaction, he will stop being productive. Industrial society doesn’t want this. The best one can hope for in these conditions is a non-permanent satisfaction allowed by his continued contribution to society. But if he fails to stay productive, his satisfaction (often in the form of a big house or a nice car) will be taken away from him. It’s a tried and true technique for keeping people or animals doing what you want them to do; lead the horse on with a carrot but never give him the whole thing. Only give enough to keep him desiring it.

Some people try to create via their sweat and others try to create via their blood. But only those brave enough to both sweat and bleed will manage to create anything truly worthwhile.