Ghetto Commandments: A Shakespearean Sonnet

These rules are those of ghetto life and times,
commandments passed on down from gangstas dead.
Followers live but those with ghetto crimes
about to lose their motherfucking head.

To be a bitch is not to breathe the air
or weed you will puff twice then pass to me.
No snitching, dog, and even hoes most fair,
you won't betroth; and hustle will be free.

The real will recognize the other real
and only models, bottles pop on to.
One can't have fun without friends in the deal
and neighbors' bitches you come not on to.

These ghetto laws have every life-lease.
Commandment number ten: fuck the police.

My Grandpa's Obituary

I found this obituary online when I Googled my mom's dad. It made me a lot sadder than I thought it would. It made me stop for a second when I read my name listed under grandchildren. Sort of a grim reminder that someone is going to write an obituary about me someday. Probably doesn't help that I was named after him.

Lawrence Struwe, 77

FALLBROOK —— Lawrence "Scottie" Struwe, 77, died at home Thursday, Oct. 20, 2005.

Born May 2, 1928, in Albany, N.Y., he was a resident of Fallbrook for 32 years. He retired in 1976 as a Chief Warrant Officer after serving 27 years in the U.S. Marine Corps. He was a member of St. Peter's Catholic Church. He was an avid golfer.

Mr. Struwe was preceded in death by his wife, Jane Struwe, in 2001. He is survived by his son and daughter-in-law Tim and Jana Struwe of Lake Elsinore; daughters and sons-in-law Yvette and Larry Johnson of Citrus Heights and Candace and Chris Pocino of Long Beach; sister Arlette Bradford of Arkansas; grandchildren Danielle, Jessica, Christina, Jennifer, Sara, Katie, Lawrence and Natalie; and great-grandson Michael.

There will be a memorial service at 11 a.m. Oct. 29, at Berry-Bell & Hall Mortuary, 333 N. Vine St., Fallbrook.

Memorial donations are suggested to the National Foundation for Cancer Research, 4600 East West Highway Suite 525, Bethesda, MD 20814.

Berry-Bell & Hall Fallbrook Mortuary is handling arrangements.

Serving Pasta

Bacon and pastrami
fried with cinnamon.
Egg yolks and cream.
Mix into the pasta
and put in bowls.
Top with chopped
green onion.
Serve with red wine or heavy beer.

Few days later,
heat in microwave
for a minute.

Some Notes on God

Drinking can bring us closer to god, but it can also bring us closer to defeat. Maybe it's only in complete defeat that we can truly be one with god. It would make sense since those who seem closest to god are usually either lying politicians or crazy homeless people who are clearly about as deep into defeat as a person can get. I'm agnostic to the idea of god and atheist to the idea of a perfect god but during times of distress I'll often embarrass myself by praying, in my mind, to something that may or not be there to answer my plea. It seems so silly when everything is fine but when one is desperate the praying just comes out of fucking nowhere.
Then if someone gets what they were praying for they often credit it to god. As if there's no such thing as dumb luck. And not only that but it's a little bit selfish. Just because your prayers seemed to be answered doesn't mean every pious person who prays got what they asked for. Most of them die or move on. But those few who get their prayers answered all of a sudden believe that god must exist. All because their prayers were answered. It's like a big middle finger to all the other people who prayed and got shit out of it.
It all makes sense though. People often need a little hope to get through life and religion offers it. The idea of an all powerful being who will answer to your needs is too good to be true but far too good for people to not to believe in it. And then the "god works in mysterious ways" bullshit is just insurance. If god really wanted people to believe in him then he'd just ask us to. But I haven't had any conversations with him lately and I'm not expecting to. And even if a person's salvation was dependent on believing in a completely unproven god, then that's a jackass of a god. And I don't care what sort of hell I'm supposedly doomed to. I refuse to worship a god who's a dick and if god is all powerful then he must be a dick to let the world be the way it is.

I Wanna Do a Show About Eating

There's a show on the Travel Channel called Bizarre Foods and I really want to be on it as some sort of sidekick / intern. I realize that this probably won't happen so I started thinking about something else that probably won't happen. I'd like to do a show for either Travel Channel or Food Network about the food in college towns. I'd basically just travel to colleges around the country and tour the favorite eateries of local students. Probably call it something like Campus Grub or College Eats. I'm really hungry right now.

First Softball Game

An intramural softball team that some friends and I recently put together played our first game today. And by played I mean lost horribly. The score was 26 to one. On the upside I'm currently batting 1.000. I only came up to bat once but I'll take wins where I can get them.
Our team seemed to be pretty decent during practice but the moment we hit the field today it was like everyone forgot everything they seemed to have a decent grasp on yesterday. People weren't moving for balls that were clearly closer to them than anyone else on the field, fly balls were dropped after it seemed they had been caught, some people had apparently never thrown a ball before, and too many people were too afraid of the ball. That last one is almost inexcusable seeing as everyone had essentially chosen to play a game that depends heavily on not flinching when a ball is thrown at you.

I've been watching the show "Clone High" lately. If you're not familiar with the show then look it up. I shouldn't have to explain everything to you imaginary people who are reading this. Anyway, here's a list of some clones they should have on the show if they ever make a second season. Some may have been done and I just don't remember.
Edgar Alan Poe
Judas
Any dead presidents they haven't done yet
The dead Beatles
Noah
Lassie
King George (from the American Revolution)
Tupac
King Louis XIV
Davy Crockett
that Senator who almost killed another Senator with a cane
Aaron Burr
This is stupid. I'm done.