Today, I Begin to Fight Again

I started this blog as an attempt to motivate myself, and it has done a poor job of that. Today I have acknowledged why. What truly motivates me, more than anything else, is not creativity, free expression, or even hedonistic happiness. What motivates me is having an enemy. Not a rival. Not an opponent. I am driven by having people in my life for whom I have made it my mission to make miserable. I had forgotten this as my developmental years helped turn me into a person who was genuinely more concerned with the well-being of others than that of himself. The idea being that I could find a good-natured reason to be driven. So I slowly stopped making enemies. What enemies I did have, I no longer strived to hurt. But I have found that without people whom I deem deserving of my active hatred, I lack drive to be all that productive. I became relaxed and complacent with where I was in life, but the world doesn't put up with complacent people. Not for very long anyway. I admitted all this to myself today, because today I felt a drive like I hadn't felt in awhile. The sort of drive that makes you want to do something more than anything else. The sort of drive that will push you to do anything you need to do to accomplish your goal. Today, I have made enemies of certain people who will go unnamed. And I really want to make those people regret waking the anger that I have kept bottled for so long; feeling sad when I should have felt rage. All I can think about is making that happen. No one is going to be physically hurt and nothing illegal is going to take place. I am still as reasonable as ever. But as of this moment, I'm not standing by and feeling sad or frustrated about things I disagree with. Once again, I am going to allow myself to get angry about things. And when I get angry, I get stuff done. This is the last post I'm making to this blog. I will likely start other blogs based on central themes, but no more rambling about myself into the internet with no direction. It never did me any good and I simply don't have the time for it.